the magic doesn't live here anymore

June 5...School is over for the summer

I didn't wind up sucking it up and calling and placing the order for the granite site marker. I hope to do it by the end of the week. I need to work myself up to it. Once it's taken care of it will be a load off but getting the nerve to call is an issue. I'm not sure how I'll act on the phone...will I be able to be natural like I'm placing an order for a pizza? Or will I choke up like my son died? Depends on my mood of the day I suppose.

Today was a good day. Jojo had a couple hours of school and then some friends over. The weather was fantastic and the girls swam all day. We had pizza outside on the deck at lunch time, the hours passed under the blue skies.... they are just getting dried off now at 745pm and we ordered Chinese food for dinner. I kept occupied with getting food, drinks, and beach towels, sitting in the sun listening to Disney World podcasts, and having fun with Penny. She loves the kids around and all the action and attention.... she enjoyed swimming and playing fetch. It was a good fun take my mind off my burdens day. With the end of school I can look forward to many more of those!

I don't have a lot of time to write tonight, but I wanted to post something. If nothing else but to say how my moods swing daily...today was decent. No pity, no sorrow... a few twinges while sitting outside looking up at Zack's bedroom windows...which remain closed... because there's no way I am even stepping foot into his room. I thought of last summer... us having fun outside... him sitting in his room...isolated or sleeping the days away. I'd look up to his windows and wonder what he was doing to pass the day. Remembering makes me sad....but it was only brief sadness today. I had a lot of happy girls here to pick me up.