I picked Zack up from his group... he got in the car and we started heading home. After a couple minutes he said "Do you want to talk?".... I said "SURE! about what?" I was all excited that he'd ask! I turned the music down... and he said "Oh.. I don't want to talk." I thought that was funny. So we enjoyed the ride home with some loud upbeat music. He couldn't wait to go sit in his car in the driveway and have a smoke...now he's in the shower. It's his routine this week....group..smoke and shower...eat.... he'll probably nap a bit now because the Saphris makes him drowsy.
A common side effect of many of the anti psychotics is weight gain. Zack seems to have an intense hunger and loves junk food ....He isn't a heavy guy and the smoking probably helps with the weight he might gain from the amount of food he puts away..I cannot keep up with his plates and glasses. He doesn't just snack either.. he cooks. And makes huge messes...that gets aggravating to me...but what gets annoying to Lucy and Jojo is that he eats up the best of all the treats I buy....although he will even eat not so tasty Atkins bars..and weird things like jars of olives.. I have told the girls on occasion to hide whatever they want to save in the back of the pantry.
Monday night Lucy and her friend made cookies. I heard Lucy tell Zack, as if he were a naughty 5 year old, "DO NOT EAT MY COOKIES".... and I thought to myself how rude that sounded and I didn't like the tone of her voice....so later that night when Zack was making his sack lunch, I kept suggesting he pack a few of Lucy's cookies. His response..with a wide eyed almost scared look on his face..."No.. no I can't eat those." I kept trying to push the cookies but he wouldn't budge..no chocolate chip cookies for him.... then yesterday morning before we got in the car to drive to his group I suggested he take one for the road... "No no..those aren't for me... I can't eat Lucy's cookies." Awwww I felt kind of bad for the kid deprived of home made chocolate chip cookies.
Well the girls and I were out running around all day yesterday while Zack was in his TAPS group. There on the counter sat the platter of about a dozen and a half home made chocolate chip cookies....tempting...but nobody was around to eat them. We got home...I picked up Zack... cookies still sitting there.... took Zack to doctor appointment... came home...Lucy went to band... I did some work. About 8 pm when Lucy came home and walked into the kitchen for dinner she was surprised with the realization that somewhere during the day the plentiful platter of cookies had been reduced to three broken ones. .Zack finally caved and ate the cookies...or forgot he was told not to.
For the most part, the girls have been awesome about accepting the craziness that's come to our home...the food disappearing, the towels.. the no hot water left because Zack takes hour long showers....him using all their hair products.....Zack sitting in his car in the driveway smoking and listening to his radio throughout the day (he reminds us of the grandpa in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - how he always liked to hang out in the outhouse haha).... him feeding Penny weird stuff..and saying how she likes it (because he heard her tell him)..the oddities that come with having a mentally ill brother living here are many. Lucy said that her memories of how Zack used to be carry her through.... Jojo says she remembers, too, even though they are 10 years apart in age..He really was an amazing big brother to two little girls.... The sad part of having those memories is how much they miss who he once was....as do I... but the good part is that the girls are so able and willing to just accept crazy as part of their lives...if that can be considered a "good part"... ..
Crazy is our new normal. We try and just go with it the best we can. Lucy and Jojo say often how they love this family...we laugh a lot when we're together...nothing is off limits...we make fun of ourselves and our quirks and issues.. and we have plenty of both.. Lucy said other kids don't get it... her friends have normal families...but along with that normal she says those kids haven't learned to be as tolerant of others - others that aren't "perfect" or "normal". I'm proud that Lucy and Jojo are such kind girls and have abundant empathy. The Schizophrenia has been a kick in the butt to all of us...and the substance abuse has been a nightmare.....The girls have experienced more than they should have over the past five years.....but these problems have brought some new light to us here and there, too. Things could always be worse. I believe and I've always told the girls that everybody has "something"...and if they don't have it now, they will in the future....that's almost a given.
To Be Continued.....
December 2006
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