The area where we live is fairly rural and quiet. Our house is about 3/4 of the way down a long steep hill.... so Lucy waits inside and has plenty of time to listen for the bus rumbling through our neighborhood. Once she hears it nearing, she runs out to the end of the driveway....yesterday was no different, except the bus drove right by her! It circled around the culdesac at the bottom of the hill and came back up past our house again... and right past Lucy again.... no stopping. It's pretty dark out there at 6:07 am. I called the bus company and they sent him back again to get her....and she rode the bus for 45 minutes. We aren't going to do that any more. We live seven minutes from the high school. I'll either drive her or she will hitch a ride with her boyfriend.
This morning her boyfriend picked her up at 640 am...still early but much more reasonable.
We just finished redoing Lucy's room a few weeks ago and she has a new comfy queen bed that I crashed out on while she finished getting ready. We chatted a bit and watched for her friend out the window. My husband and I changed up Jojo's room last spring with new furniture and decor. We asked Zack if he wanted a nice room update and he did not. His room has been the same for twelve years....except now it's more empty and it's blah. Over the past couple years, he pawned everything he owned of value.. and everything that showed he had a personality.... no more Xbox..no Rock Band...Play Station...no DVDs, CDs, stereo...no books or collections..his political and Radiohead posters have been taken down and misplaced....nothing fun or interesting in Zack's room. He does own a very nice computer we bought him for Christmas because he loves gaming. We wanted him to have something to do that he enjoys. He definitely does enjoy spending time on it or else he would have sold it. We cannot buy him anything valuable that he can easily remove and sell. Drugs are more important than things.
Zack doesn't care much about his room...even though he spends all his time in it. Maybe he doesn't notice his surroundings? Or maybe his room, as boring as it now is, does reflect his mentally ill identity. His current personality is nothingness. Zack went from being lively and witty to dull and bland with the onset of his schizophrenia. I don't know who he is..I couldn't even guess what color he would like the room painted...or what fun things I could buy him to add some character to his space. I bet that's how everybody in the house feels....Zack is a stranger now.
Half the time he doesn't put sheets on his bed or pillow cases on his pillows. I remind him constantly, and he says he will....and then he doesn't. He has empty soda cans and glasses all over his desk and dresser...and candy boxes and wrappers collect there, too. Something else we remind him to do - empty his trash...once in a while he does. He brings snacks from the kitchen into his room, too.... His closet floor is piled up with dirty laundry and all the towels he used for his three daily showers are lumped there, too. He spends so much time in his room I thought maybe he really would appreciate an update and new paint color...new comforter.... but no. None of that holds importance for him.
When I dropped Zack off at his group today, he stopped before entering the "Family Services" building and had a smoke. There was another guy - about his same age - also outside smoking. I noticed most of the people that come and go smoke. There is usually a crowd out front having their last cigarette before groups begin...and they are also allowed smoke breaks during the day. I circled the parking lot and caught that Zack did not step far away....he stood only about three feet from the other guy....that is a big improvement that I was excited to see...maybe it's my wishful magical thinking but it made me feel a little lift to see that Zack didn't make an effort to isolate himself.
When I picked him up after TAPS group yesterday the first thing he said as he got in the car was, "So you're kicking me out of the house.".....He is very upset about this group home hope I have...but after our silent drive to "Family Services" this morning, and then how I saw him, standing fairly near somebody else, enjoying a smoke, I thought...he needs to be in a group home. It would be a much better environment for him....where he would re learn life and social skills.
My husband is getting ready to go out of town this weekend so today will be filled with errands and packing for him...and running kids around.
To Be Continued.....
His sisters were really crazy about him
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