Back from the psychiatrist appointment....well.... I unloaded on him...poor guy...but then again he's probably used to a bit of mental anguish, drama, and angst in his line of work. I always used to take my son to the appointments thinking..."This guy is judging me....trying to test me and see if I'm the crazy one..."...He would always quiz me with weird factoids. I think I passed because he seems to believe what I say over what my son says. And the two of us - my son and I - often experience reality very differently.....
This past few weeks I was really not happy with the Sustenna...the situation has been bordering on unbearable for all of us living in the house dealing with the symptoms my son has had. Sustenna sucked. After I let Dr. K know my feelings on it and all we've put up with, he said.. "Oh boy..." and shook his head. (not a positive sign) Then he recommended we go see another psychiatrist that he knows for a second opinion and fresh take on things...and I thought, uh oh..to myself....but I guess I have to appreciate the guy's honesty that maybe he's not 100% up to the task alone....I get that. I feel that.
The unloading felt good, but the tough thing is I had to do it all in front of my son...who was sitting there vacantly in the corner...but still present. I'm not sure what Zack really comprehended about the conversation..or if he even cared that he was being sort of slammed and criticized ..publicly accused of stealing...setting my car alarm off... showering and washing constantly... talking to himself....making inappropriate facial expressions.... just generally being weird. I'd glance over at Zack as I was narking on him and see him looking absent and bored... or suddenly I'd catch him smiling about something only he knows is going on... really not there with us....but it felt uncomfortable to talk so badly about my own kid while he was sitting there so close ....as the doctor hastily scribbled so my complaints would be remembered forever.
Dr. K wanted to go back to Inviga 6 mg. No no no... no way - that is the stuff & dose that Zack was taking when he tried to electrocute himself in June...I don't want to move backwards...let's go forward if possible. I'm not even naturally contradictory but I have learned not to be intimidated...even though he's a psychiatrist.... and possibly judging my personality or mood ha.... I have learned to speak up for what I want. I think Sustenna is basically Inviga - only the Sustenna is a long acting? injection. It didn't act for long. I don't think it worked one bit - there was no good that I remember after that last appointment where the shot was administered....SO......
We are trying something altogether new. Saphris. 10 mg two times/day. Now...the doctor said it's very new - within a year new. It's a different type medication..I'll have to go to "crazymeds.com" and check it out - yeah...it's funny the websites you can find if you google out of desperation. Crazymeds is a good one. Dr. K made a big show of how the little white Saphris pill dissolves right on your tongue. Made me watch Zack take it. I was almost afraid he'd make ME try it - he was that enthused about this little white cherry flavored pill. Not sure what all that excitement was about... maybe so I would know what to watch for in case Zack decided to try and get out of taking it or swallowing it? We're kind of up against a wall with Zack because Zack doesn't think he needs any meds..(that's why we tried the Sustenna injection - so he'd be "compliant" even against his self sabotaging...it was one and done)....Zack really thinks he is "fine" and that all this effort is a waste of money...money that he said "should go into his gas tank".....
Now to money not going into his gas tank.......The Saphris probably won't come cheap - especially since the doctor made a point to tell me how new to the market it is. When Zack started with Enviga months ago, even with our insurance, the out of pocket cost was about $350 a month...thank God for insurance. I feel horrible for anyone without it..there are many generic anti psychotics out there, but without insurance your choices are limited by the exorbitant cost of the newest meds....and I think finding the right mix of magic can take so much trial and error it's nice to have everything out there at your availability as you begin that quest for the perfect pill. One psychologist we saw told me that dosing psychiatric meds is an art not a science. I'm kind of nervous about the cost of the magic potion....I suppose, though, if it works I'd pay anything... but for now we have 10 days of free new hope thanks to doctor samples.
Something the doctor mentioned today for the first time.... he wants Zack to have some type of brain scan at UIC. His office will work on getting that set up and the paperwork necessary....and tomorrow I'll call to make an appointment to see a new psychiatrist...at "Family Services".
The therapist and doctor told us a few weeks ago we need to apply for SSI for Zack...and for custodianship of him. We're just not moving fast on either. It's hard to get motivated..it's a drag....lots of paperwork...and we have to meet with an attorney I think for the custodianship thing....all in time I suppose...and the counselor at "Family Services" told me I have a long road ahead of me...so these projects will fit in there somewhere.
To Be Continued......
Happy bouncy kids
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