Everybody starts the day very early here now - so thank God Zack is sleeping through the night and the girls are getting a decent night of sleep. That's been the magic of the little white Saphris pill. Lucy has been able to hitch rides to school with her boyfriend at 640 am... so much better than a 6 am bus pick up. Jojo caught her 720am bus this morning - no trouble. I think she was filled with first day excitement and adrenaline. Trouble will probably start in a few weeks, as the weather becomes cooler...and darker. Today, Jojo started 6th grade at a new school. I can't believe my "baby" is a middle schooler.
When I picked Zack up today after his group he seemed more lucid.....He was with me. I really think being among people is a good thing for him - even though he doesn't enjoy it whatsoever. He rarely speaks to us...just quietly comes and goes out of the house..back in.. roams to the kitchen... back up to his room. Wordlessly. But today, after his TAPS group, he got in the car, said "How are you doing?"....and was open to chat for a minute. I asked him how it went....what did you all talk about? He made the whoosh over the head sign. OK so maybe he's still not their star pupil, participating and involving himself...but he definitely seems more aware of reality when he's been out of his room for a few hours...so that's an important reason for him to continue spending five hours a day in the group. I asked him if he managed to keep his head off the table today..he said there was no table today. And he kind of chuckled about that......forced sitting up...facing people. No napping. No closing himself off. He found humor in that today. I found a bit of relief today....and a tiny hope creeped into me.
Lucy and Jojo are so close even though not in age. They are 3.5 years apart...but such good friends. I feel so blessed and lucky about that. They are two very different girls, but they appreciate the differences in each other and I make a point to love them for who they are as individuals and never compare one to the other. There is no rivalry between them. I feel bad Zack has nobody. Maybe if he had a sibling closer in age he would find his way out of his solitude....if he had somebody here with a common interest. Somebody to game with, talk to, spend time with. But that's just the what ifs. He'd probably still be in his room alone...making the sibling feel ignored and dejected.
It's so strange how Zack can be so almost himself for brief snapshots in time...then suddenly, he's gone. Back in his own head. His own thoughts and world.
REM came on the stereo as we left "Family Services"... I asked Zack if he still likes REM and he answered with a few sentences about how he does and they are "still cool"....After that quick conversation, we drove in silence, listening to "Bang and Blame" for the rest of the short drive home. As soon as we pulled into the driveway Zack was looking to open the car door...he was in a rush to sit in his car...alone, and enjoy a smoke. And I was impressed that he did manage to remember to save a couple cigarettes for this afternoon and evening.
He took his shower....and then he made some pasta.
Things are looking up for the moment.
To Be Continued.......
A day of firsts... Jojo started middle school...and Zack saved cigarettes for afternoon and evening
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