I had a manicure appointment, which luckily I got to sit through for an hour in silence and contemplate this sudden predicament...and my options if any.
They had some Linda lady call me and break the news... she was one of the TAPS group leaders and knew Zack...but she is a nobody without power to make any decisions.. the ones that do have the power put her up to being the bad guy and making the call. She told me she liked Zack...he is a "nice kid".... but he puts his head down on the table and doesn't participate. It's obvious he doesn't want to be there. (Hello? he's severely mentally ill... and they're going to let HIM make the choice to be there or not?) They don't know what to do with him and the other group members are asking, what's up with this kid? I get that - I wonder what's up with this kid myself....but I didn't go to school to do their job and work with mentally ill people.... I'm not a therapist, counselor, social worker... I'm a mom. A mom who never in a million years would have imagined I'd have a schizophrenic kid I'd be struggling to find help for. Help that seems to be getting rather illusive. I was shocked and disappointed, too, that if things were going so terribly, why didn't I receive a call last week? She couldn't answer me... I told her I LEFT TWO MESSAGES last week...nobody bothered to call me back. And I am still waiting for some case manager's call....she apologized but had no answers. I think she felt uneasy doing the dirty work...maybe she didn't expect me to be so crushed. I let her know that when Courtney and Abby interviewed us August 11 and then again on August 15th, they got a clear picture of what they were going to be up against.... and they still let me sign Zack up for TAPS and leave the building with the belief that they knew what they were doing and could help.
Everything I have read about mental illness - it's very common to also have a substance abuse problem. What makes my kid so unusual? No answer. The closest she could get to an answer was that Zack thinks everything is "fine".... well I KNOW he thinks that. He's either in some denial or it's the mental illness clouding his view. We all know it's not fine. Most of their clients WANT help....well Courtney and Abby knew Zack's stance on that prior to him joining the group...they still said he needs to be there and they could work with him. So I guess a little annoyance and he's out?? The naughty kid that doesn't behave because he's not happy about where he is, wins and gets his way? What kind of message is that sending to him?
I was so pissed, I told her I want to speak to either Courtney or Abby (Abby is in charge of the TAPS group and Courtney is the social worker that interviewed us both) and I want to hear from them what they think my next move should be because at this point I AM LOST. If "Family Services" cannot handle his situation then give me some ideas of what to do and where to go next. OK... she'd give them my message and they'd call me back either later tonight or tomorrow morning...*when they had time*... because kicking the kid out isn't important enough to devote their time to... and neither is answering a mom's pleas for help.
Well I went to pick up Zack at 230... got there a few minutes early. Sat in my car trying to decide my next move... do I just wait for their return call or do I go in and request to meet with somebody now... ?? My cell rang and it was Abby. Perfect! She asked me if I'd like too come in and talk...
She met me in the lobby, we walked to her office... and it hit the fan. I had time to consider this issue.. and all that had gone before. They weren't going to get away with this if I could do anything to help it. Earlier Lucy asked what was wrong and I told her they are kicking Zack out of the group... and her shocked comment (from a 15 yr old) was how can they do that?!? Isn't working with people in crisis their job? Exactly what I was feeling...what I said to Linda...why I was so disappointed about this decision. We have insurance, money, doctors, therapists, meds, any options we can find at our disposal...and yet we have no options because people keep bailing. There really is something wrong with the mental health system.
I cant even remember the conversation I had with Abby because I was in some weird, calm sort of panic mode, trying to keep myself under control and my turbulent emotions in check. I felt like I was fighting for my kid's life there in that small office and had to make this visit count. Abby is a youngish woman...maybe not even a mother herself yet.. or if so, probably of sweet young kids. She has these beautiful teal blue eyes and I remember looking at them while she spoke about the problem of Zack and wondering, how can you let my kid down.....just kick him out so easily and be done? Is it because it's so commonplace?.... Seems kinda cold hearted...harsh. She reminded me the program is voluntary, they see kids like Zack all the time... and I asked well how does it turn out? What did you do for these kids like Zack? And she said they don't have involved parents and they "walk"...I asked what happens to them? She made a shrug and a broad hand gesture... like she didn't know...but she knows. I know. It's my worst fear for my son. She couldn't give me any success stories about the kids like Zack. The fact that Zack doesn't believe he has a problem is a problem for them. I understand that... but there has to be a way to draw him out and have him come to some realization. There must be... he's young... too young to just be thrown away....
We talked for a good half hour and she agreed to keep him in the TAPS group longer..at least until he gets to see one of their psychiatrists, which will most likely be two to three weeks. He'll get that second opinion and maybe some different meds... and Abby also wants to put him into their substance abuse program. I am game for everything she suggested. I told her I would talk to Zack, too, and get him to shape up and consider being more agreeable to participating. I hope he will.. He has to...but he also has to understand this is for him. I think a part of the problem is we have not found the best anti psychotics for him....the Saphris does make him drowsy....but I know that is really only part of the problem.
To Be Continued....
Three little characters
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