I'm getting ready to take Jojo to dance but wanted to get an entry in today. Today was a big deal - we braved the dreaded social security face to face interview. And I did dread it..I felt like taking an ativan this morning. My anxiety was peaking out.
The worst part of the whole ordeal turned out to be getting Zack up and moving and functioning.... but that was really a struggle...the rest of the experience wasn't as bad as expected but it wasn't pleasant.
We arrived about 8:50 for our 9 am interview. I didn't realize the office didn't open until 9 am. There was a line of people outside the locked door waiting....Zack got out of the car to enjoy a quick smoke. As he was getting out, an older gentleman walked by him and Zack said, like he knew the guy... "Hey, how are you?" to the man...who then looked at him oddly and gruffly answered unintelligibly. Awkward. I sat in the car. At 9 am a security guard unlocked the office door and the assemblage poured into the office.
There was a computer touch screen as a self check in process....the people ahead of us entered the last four digits of their social security number and a ticket was printed out for them. Zack and I got up there to the computer and it froze up. Ha... great way to start....We stood there looking for any employee....nobody. Even the security guard had disappeared.....We stood for probably five minutes looking dumb, until the guard came back around and we got his attention and told him what happened. He tried messing with it... failed...and then went to the back offices where someone restarted the computer....another ten minutes. Super slow computer...we waited while a line grew behind us.. So, we were "late" for our appointment.
Even late, Zack and I sat for about five minutes before his name was called....We were directed to window six. It was a private cubicle and there were two chairs... a man and a computer on the other side of the counter - facing us, and "Boldly go to.....socialsecurity.gov" Star Trek promo posters and fliers everywhere.... weirdly inappropriate and kind of funny. I guess they're trying to lighten the whole mood of the place? And here we were...boldly going where we never imagined we'd be. Bizarre. The man introduced himself and explained the process. By now Zack was barely awake. Apparently his 100 mg Wellbutrin "lift" for the morning isn't doing the job.
The first question was something about, "Does your condition cause you pain or other symptoms?"..Zack said "No" and the guy marked that as his answer... WHAT?!?! ...I thought that's wrong...of course schizophrenia causes symptoms...disruptive awful symptoms...so much so that Zack has no life....The kid was sleeping right now in the middle of talking to this man. I made the guy change the answer to "Yes". For the most part, I started off letting Zack answer anything he could and backed him up for the first part of the hour...for the last part of the questioning, I looked over at Zack and he was sitting up with his eyes closed..either sleeping or somewhere else. I finished up with the questions.
The very last part of the application asked about hospitalizations. That got a little sticky. Zack has had five in two years. Those seemed to throw the interviewer off. He kept thinking we were done after each entry...and we weren't. And each hospitalization started with an emergency room visit (except the last one where the ambulance took him directly from "Family Services" to the specialty hospital)...so the emergency room visit was extra on top of the hospitalizations...and most often at different hospitals because they would transfer him to wherever they had room. I've learned from his hospitalizations that psychiatric floors are full. Not sure if the guy was running out of space to type lol or if he was really kind of shocked about the number of inpatient stays and durations of each....or what, but answering all of these questions with names and dates...and reasons for each...that's when I almost lost my composure.
I looked over at Zack in his own world, sitting next to me but not with me, and then the silly Star Trek poster and got control of myself... I concentrated on trying to read the actors' signatures. Patty Duke? I didn't know she was in Star Trek....strange. I know she battled mental illness though. I had to work at stopping the tears. I guess it was all the thoughts and sorry sad memories of two tough years gone by....all the stress, the pain, the strain on our family...on my marriage....two years of trying so hard to get this kid help and make him well...and now sitting here, in this office -once again asking for help... but still feeling defeated. My mentally ill kid next to me almost snoozing through the interview, so doped up on his meds and lost in his own mind...I had a poor pathetic me moment. It passed quickly though, as I thought about the incongruous Star Trek- social security connection and we wrapped up the interview. Now we wait three to five months for a determination.
I had the medicare/aid paperwork filled out and ready to drop off across the street at the Department of Health and Human Services office. We entered that building and saw the other side of life. That's when all my "poor me" thoughts flew right out of my head. I've obviously been blessed. I have really led a sheltered life. This adventure I've been going through with Zack has shown me things I don't think I would have ever been exposed to. There were young people, old people...babies... a childrens' play area... a table with loaves of bread on it...various signs offering different types of assistance available. Zack and I got in the long line. I looked over his application, again checking through it while we stood - me in my expensive Keen shoes and new Eddie Bauer jacket...feeling like I didn't belong there and almost like I'm abusing the system...but I'm forced by circumstances, just like these other people, to become a part of this system. I belonged there.
There was an option to mail the application in...Zack was uncomfortable being there - after the social security interview he was ready to just stay in the car....I opted to leave. I mailed the information out already this afternoon. I believe within 60 days we should know if he is eligible for health coverage.... and I have worries about that anyway. Why would the government give our kid health coverage when he's on my husband's policy? But he NEEDS their coverage to access more services for his illness. Nowhere on the questionnaire did it ask the purpose...or goal of applying. They did however want to know if you already have coverage, through who, the policy number, monthly premium...etc. I have a bad feeling about this. No group home for Zack without SSI and medicare/aid..whatever it is. And no Pioneer Center day groups for him, either, without government assistance. I don't understand it and I think it's so strange how that works.
Today was a day off of TAPS. Zack slept all day. That was how he spent his day away from that group he hates going to. He didn't do anything fun at all. He slept.
To Be Continued.....
Just keep swimming.....
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