We had our mellow little birthday dinner at the kitchen table. Fast food Chinese per the birthday boy's request. Zack had already broken into his birthday "cake" pie...so the kids just had it as dessert...no singing "Happy Birthday". I give the girls credit...they just go with life here like it's normal. They treat Zack as if he were normal, too. He doesn't respond as a normal person would...but that doesn't deter them. I guess the strangeness is all now "normal" for them. After dinner, Zack thanked us for the food and the gifts...and went to his room. The thing Zack was most appreciative of was the box of cigars. He knew what he wanted and requested a certain brand..they came in a pretty wood box..he loves them. He's been smoking nonstop since receiving them. The itunes card remains on the kitchen counter.
This morning I woke very early...not sure what time, but it was dark. I heard Zack roaming the house....and the door to the garage open and close. Turns out he was smoking cigars in the garage..I could tell as soon as I opened the door to investigate - that smell is strong and sweet. Zack was told several times previously do not smoke in the garage. He has no self control....still. Like a child he does what he wants....but unlike a child words and discipline don't work. Either he doesn't learn....or he just does what he wants....no care to the consequences. Hard to know which.
My husband purchased the cigars at the tobacco shop nearest us....the one Zack frequents... or used to when he had freedom, and where Zack saw the cigars he selected for his birthday. My husband had a chat with the owner about "spice"....oh...that guy doesn't sell it anymore....he felt so bad about the kids buying it to smoke it.... blah blah blah... and then my husband mentioned Zack...and the guy said he knows Zack...and then he described him..."tall, curly hair...pants low"... Yeah..that's Zack... he was polite and didn't mention the dull numbed up expression on his face and beat up slippers. But then my husband said..."If Zack comes in here to buy spice...do not sell it to him." And the owner replied... "OK...but remember....I don't sell it"... Yeah right. Wink wink. Dirt bag. I am angry we had to give that bum our business...but those damn cigars are all the kid wanted for his 21st birthday. All he enjoys.
Yesterday as we were getting ready to leave for his TAPS group, Zack actually asked me if he could drive himself. Ummm...no. Last time he was allowed to drive himself to any group he bailed first chance he got and lied to me...acted like he was there all through the day. He didn't realize people were watching him. The meds work as far as the paranoia, obviously....but people ARE watching him. It's a bit disconcerting having to monitor his every move like he's a young child...but we have to. My husband was going to limit him to one cigar a day as punishment for smoking in the garage... I thought that was harsh considering smoking is the only joy Zack gets these days, so he compromised and just gave Zack a warning....again. More of a reminder I suppose. Zack is - used to be - such a smart person...it's on the degrading side having to treat him like a child. I feel crummy about it. I don't know if Zack does....but I really do.
Well....we're in our morning routine....Zack is awake now, out smoking a cigarette in his car...then he'll get ready for group by taking a long shower...throw a snack together, grab a can of soda from the garage....and we'll be on our way.
To Be Continued....
Even at 17 Zack was a good sport with his sisters.....
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