She stood about six feet from me....looking pathetic and strained and said, "I'm sorry." Then she cried. I cried. We smoothed things over between us...while maintaining the physical distance.....I tried to explain my point of view and I apologized for blowing my top....but I really have to remind her that it is true. I live my life around my kids. She said it hurts seeing me upset all the time....which I don't understand. I thought I was hiding my "upset" fairly well. It seems not quite well enough. More explanations and remorse from me..... She said, "We all feel it.... this horrid thing with Zack." I honestly believed I was keeping the girls as distant from it as possible....conducting the business of their lives as normally as I could, considering the abnormal in our household.
About fifteen minutes later, Jojo found me. She had showered after soccer and dressed cute for running errands. She asked me...as if no explosion had occurred recently... "How do I look?"..... I told her adorable.....always. And then I said... "Jojo... I'm so sorry."......and she closed the distance between us... and hugged me.. she said, "I know."....more tears. I hugged her back tight and told her I love her so much. She continued to hug and hold me. She knows the true cause of my anger. The root of my bad temper....I wonder if she has it inside her, too. The embrace went on for a few minutes. I remember reading a long time ago not to be the first one to end a hug....so I let it continue until she was ready to release me. She really needed that closeness....as did I.
We blew off the planned housework, choosing instead to run errands all together as a family. We went out for ice cream, and we are going to relax, watch movies, and order pizza later. We need to try and remember what we were like before the constant sad presence permeated our lives. I need to try harder to shelter the girls from the disease....and it's effects on me.
To Be Continued......
I want their lives to be full of sunshine and happiness
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